While I’ve always been a skinny runt, I never really noticed until I had “teen” at the end of my age. People would often comment on my size at primary school and by all accounts, I was the skinniest in my class. The problem with being a thin human being is a lot of people feel the need to tell you about your weight. If I didn’t eat all of my lunch people would assume I was anorexic, if I ate a Mars Bar at break everyone would tell me that one day my metabolism would slow down and lord help me if I dared eat something healthy.
None of that really bothered me though; I didn’t really notice people were commenting on my weight so much until puberty attacked me. I suddenly became very aware of my skinny build, my lack of muscle and I could barely find my lady lumps. I started to cover my body up as much as possible; even when it was over 20 degrees outside I would still wear a black hoody zipped right to the top.
It was an absolute nightmare whenever a teacher demanded I zipped my jumper down so they could see my tie as I hated showing any skin. It was even worse when a teacher asked me to remove my jumper entirely as *gasp* there were 2 grey stripes along the collar.
I didn’t really become comfortable enough to start showing some skin until I was 18 and completely out of education. I don’t want to say education contributed to my lack of confidence but I guess to an extent, it did. Of course, my own insecurities and thoughts didn’t help matters. I think it was obvious to anyone with a brain that I wasn’t happy in my own body and there was really nothing I could do about it; I had to wait it out and hope that one day I could finally accept myself.
My turning point was when my breasts eventually appeared and stopped getting so lost in jumpers and tops. They’re not the biggest but they’re full and perky and exactly how I want them to be. Since I’ve accepted them for what they are, few people have had anything negative to say. Of course, there are always those people who just have to point out that they’re small but they always seem to be rather blessed in the chest department and ensure everyone notices. I can’t help but think they’re looking for validation and have to try and insult others in a bid to gain it.
While I’m starting to appreciate the rest of my body for what it is (particularly my butt which has earned me far too many sleazy comments, bleh) there are some things I would change. I’m not overly pleased with my stomach and my lack of definition in my arms bothers me but these are all things I can change with diet and exercise. I do struggle with my weight from time to time and went around 3 years without getting on the scales. I know I have nothing to worry about but the idea of gaining weight really bothers me.
I like being a skinny runt with some junk in the trunk and I aim to stay that way. If people have an issue with any part of my body then that’s their deal, it’ll be a long time before I even dare consider making it mine. Body confidence for the win!
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