Let's Talk About Sex(ual Education)

After multiple conversations with various people I’ve come to the conclusion that we as a nation – or at least the people I know – don’t know jack about sex.

I’m sure we all know the mechanics of it, we all know what to do to try and get the other person/people involved to orgasm but that seems to be about it. I can’t recall being taught much more during my high school sex education classes other than how to put a condom on a banana.

I was thinking about the few times sex education was mentioned during my school days. In primary school we had to watch a video which involved 2 animated characters chasing each other with feathers before being forced to watch the horrors of child birth – you can tell me it’s a beautiful thing all you like, I still maintain it’s disturbing.

My high school sex education went a little bit more in depth. At 14 years old I was taught about the wonders of birth control and STIs and not much else. Sure the pain during a female’s first time was briefly touched upon but only to say that the pain is caused by the hymen tearing. Funnily enough we weren’t even taught about the hymen correctly.

At no point were we told anything that might actually be useful. Ok so I know how to put a condom on and I know that chlamydia looks disgusting under a microscope but that’s about it. No one ever said that you can fit a 2 litre bottle into a condom so when a guy tells you his micro penis is too big for a rubber you can call bull plop on it. No one ever told us that pain during sex can be a little more serious than your hymen tearing and no one, not one bloody person taught us that there’s more to consent than a simple yes or no.

I don’t even think the subject of the female reproductive system was ever brought up to guys. In primary school we were split into females and males (which is just stupid in itself) and taught about our own body parts. In high school we were taught about the penis while the vagina was left as a mysterious wonderland where blood and babies come from.

I imagine most guys know girls have periods and that we’re all very crabby when we have them (although I turn into an absolute delight during those 5 days so there’s that theory busted) and that our pink, velvety caves are very nice places to put their penises in but I’m starting to think that’s it. The amount of guys I know who think we urinate out of the same place they’re sticking their happy little friend into is ridiculous. Hell, I know guys who still think a female has a wider vagina because she’s had one too many dicks in her.

There’s probably a great deal about the penis that girls don’t know, after all I only just found out that sometimes their man juice can be yellow and it has nothing to do with an infection. I’d like to have known a little bit more about the elephant trunk looking thing that hangs between their legs in high school. It would’ve been nice to know that alcohol can cause erectile dysfunction and it’s not just something that happens to older gentlemen.

It would have also been nice to have been told that jizz tastes disgusting rather than just being taken by surprise (I should’ve paid more attention to that “funky spunk” episode of Sex and the City) and almost spitting it on the idiot who insisted he came in my mouth. I’m not entirely sure this should be mentioned during sex education though.

Sex education left me very confused as a teenager so when it came to actually losing my virginity I was a bit of a lost cause. I was prepared for pain and boy did I get it despite my hymen disappearing a long time beforehand (where it went I will never know). I didn’t know what the pain was since no one had ever mentioned anything other than that delightful bit of skin tearing. I didn’t really think I would have to google “pain during sex” 7 years after I lost my virginity but if you check my internet history you’ll see I’ve done a lot of that.

Sure education of a sexual nature shouldn’t be left entirely up to high school teachers and anyone else they chose to bring in but let’s be real here, there wasn’t many virgins left in my class by the time we turned 15. Sex education was left a little too late for my liking and it was all very basic. I think I learnt more from my brother trying to crack sex jokes than I did from people who were paid to teach us about the wonders of fornicating.

I don’t think starting sex education from a younger age is going to help eliminate teenage pregnancy nor is it going to wipe out gonorrhoea but it would at least help a few of us along in our orgasm quest. I’m not looking for techniques to be taught to a bunch of teenagers, I just want a thorough, in depth conversation that touches on a little more than how not to get pregnant. I’d also like consent to be discussed in greater detail but let’s take this one step at a time shall we?

Happy (and safe) humping xx